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'During the day you make me send you images every hour of people in bondage being used or sissy captions.I think to myself, why do these pictures turn me on? You make me describe the pictures to you. You keep me in a state of constant arousal.You finish each message with: "I know what you are. You're an obedient whore" or "I know you're a submissive slut".I think to myself, I should just stop this. It is crazy.Later you always send me a message, "Tell me I can use your body as I want. Beg me to come and use you."I hate myself for doing it, but I reply.Then I feel humiliated, but I also feel turned on. Each day I say to myself that today I will stop and escape, but I don't.Each day I think, I should just find myself a nice girlfriend, but I can't stop thinking about you.A week before we meet you tell me to buy women's sexy panties.I am to wear them under my clothes.I think to myself, Why am I doing this?At night I must sleep naked. In the morning I wake up hot and horny. The night. “It is. I just feel guilty and confused and as I was lying there it all washed over me, not for the first time and then I started crying and then I got scared and then…”“Shhh, slow down, take another breath.” She stopped and I felt a few more sobs. “Shall I go and get Diane would it be easier to talk to her?”Again, she squeezed my hand, I’m not sure she released it from the first time, at this rate I thought I might lose the use of it.“No and yes,” she said.“Uhuh.”“No, I don’t want you to get Diane, though yes it would be easier to talk to her. It’s you I need to tell.”“So, tell me. If it’s something that is likely to send us our separate ways, perhaps it’s better to be said now and… I was going to say cause less pain, I think, give us longer to heal would be better.” This was the first time I think I had hinted at my true feelings to Tina.“I’m sorry, but last night while we made love, I was comparing you to him and it wasn’t the first time. At other times, like when you threw Diane’s.
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