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" I stood up and said, "That's all for today girls. We have to get going." I did not care if they saw the obvious bulge in my pants. Kelly called me later in the day to cancel our date for that evening. We would never date again. My life in Pecos, Texas became a life of masturbation. In bed at night I would jerk off; that was a given. I could never have slept otherwise. During the day I would squeeze out as many loads as I could, two or three at a minimum. I spent a lot of time in my designated chair in the basement. Since masturbation requires fantasies, I allowed my mind to provide them. They were predictable. It seems as if I liked being humiliated. What made me small made me hard. I forgot about my girly magazines. Who needs air-brushed, silicone boobs when you have humiliations? A humiliation is worth a thousand pictures. And I had a couple of juicy humiliations. There was the 7-11 parking lot humiliation, the Pecos Diner booth humiliation. In fact, life in general had become. I know what will happen; that I will walk in deeper and deeper; that it will get dark and cold; know that deep in those woods, something is waiting for me. I start to turn around, but stop and enter the forest instead. This time I find myself quickly back at the spot where I sat down against the tree and fell asleep. I don't know hoe I know it is the same spot, but I do. I put my hand on the tree and feel a heartbeat.I withdraw my hand quickly and start to run. I don’t make it ten feet before I trip and fall. The silence is broken by a low sound of laughter. I get myself up and run, but a little slower this time. Once again, I have lost all sense of direction and can’t tell if I am running to or away from the laughter. I cannot see more than several feet in front of me, so move with my arms stretched out before me. Suddenly, the light appears in the distance again and I move towards it. Once again, it never seems to get closer. I am beginning to tire again, but dare not rest for fear.
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