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You know Rutger Hauer is Dutch, right? We don’t give a shit about him, or about Carel Struycken (Mr. Lurch), Thekla Reuten (Highlander, The American) or Michiel Huisman (Game of Thrones). Unlike Canadians, who go fucking APESHIT when they discover a Loony somewhere (‘Hey, did ya know Paul Shaffer is Canadian! Oh yeah!’), we just don’t care. Our country is so small we take it for granted many of us spread their wings elsewhere. Bloody show-offs... Tea became very awkward, for me at least, when he took out his phone to show me his Facebook timeline. I have no account there. Well, I do, but only Kelly and the media centre have the password. I’m basically one of Kelly’s sock puppets, retweeting or liking everything she finds important. That’s fine with me. But now I had to lie to this nice man, and gently dissuade him from taking a selfie with me there and then, and posting it on Facebook with the caption: ‘Look who walked into my store! Where can I collect the finder’s fee? LOL!’I spun. In my defense, I contend that any man who finds his dick missing wouldscream and pass out."NICK, WAKE THE FUCK UP!!" John screamed at me."MY DICK IS GONE!" I yelled as reality began to intrude on me."My dick is gone man! Look!" I stood up in the bathroom and yankeddown my shorts. John crouched down in front of me and began looking atmy crotch the way someone does when they're looking for a contact."Unfucking believable" murmured John. "Let's get you over to yourbed."I lay down on my bed (shorts around my ankles, a good fashion statementI'm sure)."Nick, you feel okay?" Dumbshit question number two, John. NO, I don't feel okay. I thinkI got a pussy where my dick was."With that John sat down between my legs like he was suddenly my OB/GYNand started examining me. "It sure looks like a pussy, man.Does it feel like one?" he asked as he stuck his finger into me.I was about to tell him not to stick his god damn finger into me whenthe sensation of being penetrated hit me so it came out like,.
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