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I collapsed into her arms, weeping.“I CAN’T UNDERSTAND why I am having such a strong reaction to combat. I have been in combat much of my adult life. I have made my profession combat arms. I have held dear friends as they bled out waiting for dust-off. But I’ve never had this reaction. Why?”I felt Cindy’s arms squeeze me gently.“Do you remember the dickhead yanking off your leg?”I shuddered.“Yes. I hear that sound now in my nightmares.”I felt Cindy nod.“It’s the nanites. They are keeping your brain operating ‘normally.’ Unfortunately, for soldiers, for humans generally, we deal with some of the worst shit in our lives by forgetting it, or at least putting those memories in a room and locking the door. The nanites block some kind of neurotransmitter that allows that to happen. They haven’t found a way to reliably shut that function off when we don’t want it.”“And I’ll bet you’ve felt this way before. Think. Just after your first combat experience.”Shit. She was right. Perhaps it was. I looked outside and James's car was gone. We went upstairs and Mum was fast asleep, naked. I had a shower and came down to see Jo sniffing the atmosphere. "David," she said, "have you been smoking pot?" "Never", I replied "Mum would kill me." "Well it's her then; this is becoming serious." Mum awoke at about four and Jo asked about the pot. Guiltily she said she tried some at the picnic with James and they had a smoke last night. All the time she was making eye signals with Jo about my presence. Jo told me to leave while they talked privately. Later, Jo filled me in. They had a long talk but all Mum would only agree that she would be careful and scream to us for help if she needed help. James came to visit at about eight, to watch some TV and have a drink and snack, and openly started his continued seduction of my mother.I noticed the lump in his jeans grow as he hugged, stroked arms, back, thighs nibbled and kissed. She was letting go right before me. By about ten Mum was squirming.
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