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Some individual’s walls are formidable, like a castle’s bulwark, while another’s may be low and easily breached, like a stone wall that separates good neighbors. However, whether the wall is strong or weak, they exist, we all have them, and they are all dismantled by the elixir to one degree or another. But I should add that once dismantled, it takes time to build the inhibitions back up again. That’s what I call the Afterglow effect.’ ‘I understand your analogy, but what I’m not getting is where the implied danger lies. If our psyches are put back to normal once the elixir wears off, then where is the permanent damage you hinted at?’ ‘The damage may occur with chronic use of the elixir. If I may go back to my brick wall analogy, consider what may happen when our metaphorical wall is continually being dismantled. Over time some of the bricks may chip, splinter, or crack, some may even break or crumble into dust if overused. The net effect in all of this is that with chronic use of. There will never be a chance to watch your hair grow back. I can’t ever remind you how beautiful you are, even when you’re bald and too thin. I promised I’d remember you like to be kissed gently, with a nibble at the end. Tears burn my eyes as I grieve for the lost chance to wake up next to you. I still want to hold your hand everywhere, at home, in public, during sex and while we sleep. I have so many questions that will have to remain unanswered. This loss, the slow grind of acceptance, is terrible. You fill my thoughts and my heart hurts. I wish for a different outcome. Crazy thoughts shoot through my head, bouncing off memories of you. What if I’d called sooner? I should have sent more little positive messages. I should have just asked permission to visit. If I had, you’d still be here, fighting. Then I wouldn’t have this huge ache inside. I recognize these thoughts as foolish, and I brush them aside. I focus on better, positive thoughts. On healthier imaginings. The other.
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