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Does anything we fear today carry the weight it truly should? How many of us face our imminent death from an unknown quarter, even once in the long stretch of our lives, let alone on a daily basis. There are those of us who do. Those men and women who wake up each morning, and put themselves in harms way by choice, are those who stand between us and the true horrors that still lurk in our world. In doing so, they free us up to fear our next car payment, the supposed slight of a lover, the impression we will make at the company picnic. We cloak ourselves in the fear of living our lives. We see our lives not as magical gifts to be treasured, taken, emptied of every last drop of sustenance. Oh no. We see our lives as something to be endured, gotten through, to get even with. The path of most people’s lives, leaves a trail of unopened doors, behind which lay the magic of life never released because of our fear. My life was easy in comparison to most… up until the summer I have described. I could imagine the whole sequence, her startled pause at the first ring, her intake of breath, her hesitant walk toward the phone, her hand hanging above it, the sudden grab before voice mail would click in, an almost breathless "hello?" Hello dear Alice. I knew you would answer."Was she afraid to pick it up? Something in her changed before the call ended, maybe before it began. Maybe I would hear it one day, too.I got a call, but it wasn't from Richard this time. It was my PI, returning his call, wanting to meet but not offering hope. I think back on it and know my mind was torn in halves. I was a loser. Alice was gone. But she would return if only I could talk with her alone. She must! I drifted toward whatever I'd heard most recently, and at this particular moment Mickey was talking. It was time to plan a strategy. He wanted to do it in the parking lot at the Liberace museum. "Is there any particular reason for that?" It was convenient. So, okay, that's where we met."Why couldn't.
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