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Smeared makeup. Harlot.Diary Entry: July 2006Thirty six suits. Bathing suits. That's how many I looked at beforemaking a decision. I wish-wish-wish I had the uterus to go to the storeand try them on. I don't have that yet. I love to shop too and usuallyfind it no problem going as Kristy, but I choked on the bathing suitthing and George's pool party is Saturday. So I ordered a purple onepiece - I fucking hate my body - from Tommy Bahama and that's what I'mgoing to have to go with. I hope it fits. I feel like a fat cow. Ineed a tan, I need to lose weight, 140 is too fat for me. I need biggerbreasts. I see these girls with their tight fucking waists and theirbelly rings and I just want-want-want that so bad.End Diary EntryWow. Hate yourself much? Looking back at some pictures, I wasn't halfbad at all. I really wasn't. And I was already a skilled cocksuckertoo. I looked like a girl - nice hair (albeit still a wig), pretty eyes,tastefully seductive makeup, breasts, I. What was for sure a fact, was the truth that I couldn’t beat him at whatever it was that would ever be a bone of contention between us. He just had too much money and influence while I was a nothing, a con. I’d re-decided that I could not accept anything from the man, from any of them, not ever. No, all I wanted from them was their absence from my life. It’s the way it had to be.My relationship with Darrell, my cellmate, had turned out to be an actual good experience, well, as much as one could be in a max prison. I’d been beaten and butt fucked and forced to suck other men’s dicks for virtually the whole first eight years I’d been inside. It was common that guys my size just did as we were told when it came to those kinds of things. My second time around, at first, I was actually resisting. But, after the fact I realized that that had been a bad idea: I lost every time. But then I’d gotten lucky and gotten paired with Darrell. He and his Christian brotherhood were never messed with..
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