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.. uh ... wasn’t celibate while we were apart.”This actually did surprise me. I had figured she just holed up in her apartment and shut herself off from the world. “Okay. And?”“But ... I ... um ... I kind of feel like I was unfaithful to you.”“We weren’t together.”Suddenly, she leapt to her feet. “WHY NOT?” she shouted. “YOU JUST LET ME WALK OUT! YOU DIDN’T COME AFTER ME! YOU DIDN’T FIGHT FOR ME! WHY?!”Utterly baffled, I looked to Sandra for help. I had no idea what just happened, nor did I know what the right answer was at that moment.Sandra didn’t really help. “John, what’s going on with you right now?”I then remembered my ex, who was bipolar and also had borderline personality disorder. Someone once recommended a book to me that was written to help the loved ones of someone with BPD understand it. I didn’t stop laughing for several minutes after they told me the title: “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me.”And then I spent a year and a half being her verbal punching bag every time she had a. ’ [and that’s final] ‘Then what are we going to do? How do you expect us to– Oh, Jesus…’ It was the sirens again. Twice, now, they’d sounded. And they almost seemed louder this time. All at once, it was as if reality had come crashing down upon them, like all the rubble of their forgotten lives. Two sirens. Two consecutive sirens. The warning, and then… [dead] They didn’t know whether to feel like the weight of the world had been lifted, or like it had been cast down upon them threefold. But the silence between the people persisted, as each began to deal with his own inevitability, completely alone. After a few seconds, it all seemed to sink in. This was it. [dying] What do you do, knowing you’re balanced on the brink of death? Resting on the very cusp of destruction, where you know you’ll die in a hail of fire, stone, blood and flesh? ‘Looks like you’re not going to have time after all,’ the man said calmly, and he turned back to the boy. So this is what it was like to be a.
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